Thy Will, Not Mine

Blog 5

Thy Will, Not Mine

Pastor David has been an inspiration to me. He was my neighbor until just a few weeks ago. During that time, we had many conversations about what God was doing in each of our lives. It so happened that we left our homes at the same time early at 5:45 every morning. It was so nice to have the company at that very dark hour. God always provides everything I need. We would also arrive home about the same time in the evenings and would often spend an hour or so discussing biblical subjects. I shared my testimony of my Christian journey and how I became an Adventist. Even though we are from different denominations we both love the Lord and share many of the same convictions. I know that God has His people everywhere.

Pastor David knows who he is- a child of the Most High God. He walks with an air of confidence knowing that. Every believer should have that level of confidence because God’s word says we ARE His children. I have learned a lot about dedication, unselfish service, and about faith from him. Pastor David works untiringly with underprivileged children, coaching them in sports such as track. It is his and their dream to one day participate in the Olympics. He gives them hope and purpose- teaching them self-worth, discipline, perseverance, and most importantly, about the love of God. It wasn’t long before he started “Alms Church” right there in his home to minister to these children and their parents. What a gift of service! He asked me to assist him, and after bringing it to God I was impressed to go. What a blessing I found there! Pastor David is such a deeply spiritual man and a huge blessing to others….definitely someone who has a deep connection with God. I wanted that. It’s a powerful thing when we know whose we are. God has made provision for it. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” With every seeking heart God will provide a knowledge of Him. He puts people and situations in your life to draw you closer to Him. This is what He did for me through Pastor David. Pastor always told me that God was going to use me in a powerful way. I just didn’t see how with all the many mistakes and shortcomings I had. Nevertheless, God can use anyone. After all, He used a donkey didn’t He? All He wants is a willing heart. And so, each Sunday I would help Pastor to minister to the children using my own testimonies, and using illustrations and demonstrations to bring the stories to life. The children enjoyed it. Unfortunately, Pastor David moved, but he soon found another place not too far away. I missed a few weeks, and then I found out about the cancer diagnosis. When I told Pastor David he asked me to come by. I did, and I was so blessed by it as the sermon was just what I needed to hear about faith. As he was delivering his message all of a sudden he looked up directly at me and said “Cheryl Alonzo….Come and see what the Lord has done!” God had been impressing me to write my testimony. I had a few titles but none seemed quite right. Until now. As Pastor David said those words, I knew that God was speaking through him. That was to be the title of the blog I would write. God is so good and makes provision for everything. I am learning to wait on Him because at the right time and in His own way He provides the answers.

I left that place feeling empowered and ready to face whatever battles would come my way. Only this time it must be different. No more the doer or in my own strength…I must learn to surrender and wait, allowing Him to work in His time, His way. As the months have progressed, God has shown me how to live a life of humility. “When we have true humility (which comes by the working of the Holy Spirit), we have victory. The enemy can never take out of the hand of Christ the one who is simply trusting His promises. If the soul is trusting and working obediently, the mind is susceptible to divine impressions, and the light of God shines in, enlightening the understanding. What privileges we have in Christ Jesus!” 7 Bible Commentaries, 959. Mostly we do not see through God’s eyes, but through the eyes of man because we are so busy we won't take the time. God has been opening my eyes to have a correct view of spiritual things. His “eyesalve” which is the Word of God speaks to my conscience because it convicts of sin. At times it may even hurt…hurt badly…. But it is necessary so that healing may follow. God wants me, wants us, to be single-sighted, beholding ourselves in His great moral looking glass, seeing ourselves as He sees us. As I have been shown my true state, I have been brought to my knees in humble repentance for the sins I have committed. By beholding, I am becoming changed. I just marvel at the work God has been doing in me, and of the many sins and habits He has given me victory over. God has taken me to the root of many of my problems- problems that were so deep-rooted that they had shaped my life for far too long. “The tops had been cut down, but the roots had never been eradicated, bearing their unholy fruit to poison my judgment, pervert my perceptions, and blind my understanding. …And so I had been stuck in a vicious cycle. However, God said not so. “When by thorough confession you destroy the root of the bitterness, you will see light in God’s light. Without this thorough work, you will never clear your souls.” LS 326. “The very depths of the hidden evil must be reached, the moral senses must be judged, and judged again in the light of the divine presence. The daily life will testify whether the work is genuine. If the soul endures the trying process, and self does not awaken to life to feel hurt and abused under the test, that probing knife reveals that the soul is indeed dead to self, but alive unto God.” BC 1152.

There have been deep-rooted issues in my life, and I am sure in yours. I never realized the intensity of it all. These things had influenced my decisions in such a negative way, causing me to develop an unwholesome, imbalanced character of timidity, fears and anxieties, and worse….separation of God. But praise God He is in the business of restoration.  God in His love and mercy wants to up-root them all so they cannot hurt us anymore.

Lately, God has been waking me up in the wee hours of the morning. I have sometimes resisted….. other times I’ve tried to ignore the call for a few hours to get more sleep in. One morning when I was awakened, taking another hour or so to get out of bed, the Lord brought me immediately to a Scripture upon opening the Bible: “Why sleepest thou?…..watch ye and pray, lest you enter into temptation.” On that particular day, God wanted me to tap into His Power Source because He knew what was ahead that day. I have since been obedient to His call. It is during those hours that He shows me what I need and inspires me to face whatever comes my way. Waking up has no longer become difficult because He has become my source of strength. He wants that for all of us.I am learning to recognize His voice and His will for me. It has been a beautiful journey in which I have surrendered to His will, not mine. “Hear instruction and be wise and refuse it not. Blessed is the man that hears me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the ports of my doors. For whosoever finds me finds life, and shall obtain favor of the Lord.” Proverbs 8:33-35 “My son, attend to my words, incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4: 20-23

My prayer: Thank you Lord! I praise your name for the work You have been doing in me. Teach me your ways, and let me turn my ear to listen. Help me to slow down to hear from You because there is so much You want to say to me. Teach me your way, Oh Lord, that I may walk in truth, to glorify your name in all I do. Let me daily die to self that You may live through me. Let it Your will, not mine.

In Jesus’ name. Amen